Uncontrollable (The Nature of Grace, Book 2) Read online

  “I do. You’re my best friend. You’re all I have, really.”

  He shrugs. “Then that’s enough for me. For now.”

  With that, Wyn kisses me on the forehead and leaves the room. He turns off the light on the way out.

  “Sleep tight, G. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

  I sit alone in the dark with my feelings all swirling around inside. I lay my head back against the pillow and stare at the ceiling. Confused and frustrated, I wonder how I seem to ruin everything I touch. Especially when my intentions are to help people. Why couldn’t I tell Wyn the whole truth?

  Then I wonder.

  Is it because I’m not sure?

  Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I do care about Wyn more than I realize.

  Maybe I’m tired of choosing a dead love over a possible living one.

  Survival Skill #17

  Take immediate action to ensure your physical safety and the safety of others. Remove yourself from the event in order to avoid further traumatic exposure.

  By the time Birdee and I get a hold of Mom, I’m released to go home.

  The storm hit from here all the way to Asheville, doing more damage than anyone expected. Needless to say, Mom wasn’t happy, but Birdee managed to convince her not to come home. I promised both of them I would quit, and Birdee vowed not to let me out of her sight ever again. For as long as we both shall live.

  All I’m focusing on now is getting out of the hospital. Even though I’m still not feeling a hundred percent, after a few days in this place, I realize home will get me back to myself more than any place around. Just the thought of eating MoonPies in my own bed is enough to make me smile.

  While Birdee is signing my release papers, I stuff the last of my things in the plastic bag they gave me. When Birdee opens the door to head off to the nurse’s station to ask another question about my home care, Agent Sweeney walks in.

  “Good morning. May I come in?”

  Birdee frowns. “As usual, your timing is impeccable. Do you have like a beeper or something that informs you of the worst moment to show up?”

  “Birdee!” I shout, totally embarrassed

  He shakes his head. “It’s okay. How are you?”

  I sit on the chair to allow my legs to recover from standing so quickly so soon. “Well, Agent Sweeney, since I’ve been here a couple days with no visit, I hope you didn’t come empty-handed.”

  He holds up a clump of greenery. I laugh and take the wilted stems. “Wow, you picked weeds for me? You shouldn’t have.”

  He waves me off. “If you tell anyone, I’ll deny it.”

  Birdee humphs her displeasure and heads for the door. “Don’t you dare put any of your crazy ideas into that girl’s hard head. I just finished cleaning them all out. You hear me, Sweeney? Or I’ll have a bone to pick with you.”

  He takes off his hat. “Yes, ma’am.” He waits until the door shuts and then pulls up a chair. “I take it she’s mad?”

  I can see Birdee spy through the side window in the door. He follows my eyes and waves to her with a big smile. She points two fingers at her eyes and then points them at Sweeney.

  I interpret. “She’s watching you.”

  He nods. “I got that part. Thanks.” She quickly walks off as he faces me. “Guess she blames me for you being in the woods.”

  I crawl back onto the bed in my jeans and tuck the blanket around me, feeling chilly again. “She’s just upset.”

  “No, she’s pissed. And she has a right to be. It’s my fault you were out there. I should have never let Porter talk me into anything.” He hits his head with his palm. “Stupid to put any of you kids out there in the first place.”

  “You couldn’t have known any of this would happen. We never have winter storms like this, and kids do research for organizations all the time. My cousin goes out in the ocean with The Dolphin Project to take pictures of dolphin fins. Even when it rains. That can’t be less dangerous than this.”

  He looks down at his hat. “Still.”

  I notice my backpack on the opposite chair. “Can you hand me that? I need to show you something.”

  Agent Sweeney gets up and grabs the bag.

  “Look in the front pocket.”

  He unzips the pouch and pulls out the green bandana. His eyes get big, and he looks at me. “Is this…? Where did you get it?”

  I shake my head. “I don’t know, and in the woods. Close to where I fell.”

  I go on to tell him what I saw. What I heard before we left. The footsteps. The whistling. And then about finding the bandana crushed in the snow.

  Agent Sweeney rubs his face with one hand in disbelief. “Why didn’t Wyn tell me?”

  “He didn't know.”

  He sits in a chair and sighs. “So I guess I was wrong. Al’s back.”

  My stomach drops. “You think so? You don’t think it could be a coincidence?”

  He shakes his head and gets up to pace. “With dead wolves, bandanas, and whistling? No way. All signs point to Al.”

  “Yeah, doesn’t look good. Before I fell, I found another wolf too. Im teh same area.”

  “Dead?”

  “Nope. Alive. At least for a few minutes. He died when I was trying to help him.” I shake my head. “I couldn’t save him.”

  He reaches over and pats my arm. “Grace, I’m sorry. I can’t imagine how hard that was. Especially after—”

  “Finding Dad? Yeah, well, it seems to be a pattern lately.”

  I shake the wolf and Dad from my head. I can’t focus on details, or I’ll get sucked back into my depression.

  Sweeney takes out his notebook and starts to jot things down. “Any clues to go on? Coordinates?”

  I give him the location of the wolf and the bandana. “Sad thing is he looked just like the other one did. No blood. No sign of humans around anywhere. Appeared totally healthy.”

  “So then, Al’s our only lead.”

  I pull the covers up to my chin as if I’m a kid trying to hide from the boogieman. “Why would he be back? It can’t be for a sixteen-year-old. Maybe it has something to do with the documents Mo left me? Maybe they’re his?”

  “Maybe.”

  I ask him the same question I’ve been asking for months. Since the very day I handed those papers over to him. “What’s on those papers anyway? Maybe that will help us.”

  “Us?” Sweeney walks over to the window and stares out at the falling snow. “You know I can’t reveal that.”

  I hit the bed with my fists in frustration. “That’s BS. After everything I’ve done, I deserve the truth about Al, about those papers–” I pause for a second. “And about Mo.”

  He swings around to face me. “You know what happened to Al and Mo. As far as the codes, I’ll tell you what I think, but it can’t leave this room. We still have an investigation going on.”

  “Go ahead.”

  “We think they’re bank accounts and codes identifying people who are involved in something bigger than what happened with your father.”

  I wasn’t expecting that. “You mean, more people could be involved?”

  He crosses his arms. “Maybe. But I don’t know for sure. It’s just a hunch.”

  “So you think Al being back has something to do with that?”

  “Either that or he’s back for you.”

  I cross my arms and hug myself. “Well, just lay it out there.”

  He shrugs. “Why beat around the bush? You’re smarter than that.”

  I swallow and look out the door for Birdee. She’s still standing at the counter. She’s going to flip out if she hears any of this.

  “How can we find out if Al’s involved in the wolf deaths?”

  Agent Sweeney leans over the bed and keeps his voice low. “Listen, Grace, I’ll let you in because you’re a smart girl, and you’ve been involved from the beginning. And to be honest, I owe your dad for not doing more to help him when he needed me. But I need your word that you won’t tell anyone.”

  My e
yes get large and I nod quickly, anxious to hear what he’s going to say. “I promise.”

  He glances at the door. “Even though Porter didn’t think it was necessary, I went ahead and ordered an autopsy on the dead wolf you guys found a couple days ago. I hoped it would reveal some more information. If it wasn’t natural causes, it might give us more insight. I’m waiting on those results, which might answer your question about Al. Meanwhile, you need to stay out of those woods and stay safe. Maybe I can put someone at your house.”

  “No. Birdee will panic.” I sigh, knowing he’s right. “I just need to quit this project before I get in too deep. This is too much for me.”

  “I agree.”

  A knock at the door brings the conversation to a halt. Katie pokes her head in. “Am I interrupting something?”

  I smile and wave her in. She’s carrying a huge bouquet of mixed roses and lilies. She puts the vase on the side table and comes to sit at the end of my bed.

  I lean over and smell the flowers. “I feel like someone died.”

  She frowns. “Someone almost did.”

  I point to the arrangement and smile at Sweeney. “Now that’s a bouquet.”

  Katie picks up Agent Sweeney’s clump of grass. She looks up at him and makes a face. “Tell me you didn’t. Surely the USFWS pays you better.”

  “You’d be surprised.” He shrugs. “Besides, I like to be different. Nothing is better than nature’s own.”

  “That is definitely unique.” She looks at me and makes a crazy sign next to her ear.

  I giggle at her gesture. “You’re just figuring that out now?”

  Agent Sweeney picks up a newspaper. “Don’t talk about me like I’m not here.”

  “It’s the thought that counts, right?” Katie touches my hand. “Grace. How are you?”

  “I’m cool.” Only Katie gets my really, really bad joke. “Nice one.” She kicks off her cowboy boots and tucks her feet underneath her bottom. “You gave us quite a scare out there. But I hear if anyone can be stuck in the woods and make it, it’s you. You are quite the trooper.”

  I smile. “I guess. But Wyn and Seth deserve all the credit. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for them.”

  “Yes, well. You all did a great job, and I’m thankful you’re okay.” She studies Agent Sweeney and then addresses me. “I suppose this means you’re off the team?”

  My heart sinks when she says it, but I know it’s for the best. “Yes.”

  Agent Sweeney stands. “I think we should shut down the whole operation.”

  She folds her hands in her lap. “And for once, I agree. Now I just need to get Porter to back down. He gets a little obsessed over these things. If the project stops, he loses funding.”

  I speak up before Sweeney does. “I did find another wolf carcass. Just before the whiteout. It looked to be the same as the one before.”

  Her eyebrows pull down. “Let me get Porter in here for this. He’ll want to hear this.”

  She walks to the door in her bare feet and opens it. Seconds later, Porter follows her inside, holding his suspenders.

  His voice booms, “Grace. Must say, it’s good to see you. I’m sorry we split up. I really thought it would be safe enough since we were close.”

  Agent Sweeney frowns. “Not close enough though, huh?”

  Porter flashes Sweeney a nasty look. “I can’t control the weather. It was… unfortunate.”

  Sweeney raises his voice and stands. “Unfortunate? She’s a teen, and she almost died. I told you it was too bad to go out in that weather.”

  “What a minute,” Katie says. “I’ll take some blame, too. I told Porter it was okay if the kids felt comfortable and if he went along. Guess I didn’t make it clear I expected him to stay with all of them the whole time.”

  She folds her arms and her mouth is tense. “Porter, Grace here says she found another wolf dead out there. Do you know anything about it?”

  He plays with his goatee. “Really? We didn’t see anything.” He faces me and takes out his small notepad. “Can you tell me more? How big? Any clues?”

  “It was smaller than the one you and I found a few days ago. I couldn’t tell if it was a male or female though.”

  He scratches his head. “Dang. I hope that wasn’t the alpha female. It is so essential to the pack’s survival out there. Did you by chance see the tag number?”

  I think back. “Actually, now that you mention it, it didn’t have a collar on.”

  He flips his pad and frowns. “That means it was one of the females. We lost one on the tracking system a day or two ago. I was hoping the collar was just broken.” He faces Reynolds. “What do you want to do?”

  Agent Sweeney pipes up. “Nothing. We’re shutting down.”

  Katie gives him a look and comes at it differently. “I think we have enough data right now to pull these wolves back in. They’re not safe out in the wild. I say we regroup and assess what we have.”

  Porter shakes his head. “This is very common in all releases. The most common causes of the wolves not making it are being shot or run over, which we haven’t had – knock on wood." He drums his knuckles on the arm of the chair. “The others are disappearances due to collars not working and natural causes.”

  “I cannot authorize sending out any more volunteers. Especially kids,” Katie says.

  “Well, I can.” Porter raises his voice. “This is too important to stop because we had a couple wolves die and a bad snowstorm. This is important to the survival of the wolves going forward. They can’t live in captivity forever!”

  Katie stands and approaches Porter. “Look, I know you’re disappointed. I am too. But we’re putting kids in danger. I’m sorry.”

  Porter’s face turns red. “So that’s it?”

  Katie nods. “I’m afraid so. We’re shutting down. I’ll call the Wolf Coalition members and schedule a meeting. They’ll want to know why.”

  Porter storms out of the room.

  Even though I think Katie made the right decision, I can’t help but feel bad. The wolf project is being shut down because of me. Now, there will never be wolves in the wild. I hang my head.

  Katie grips my shoulder. “Grace, don’t go blaming yourself. This isn’t your fault. These things happens all the time in conservation efforts. It’s part of the job and part of the frustration. This is not the end of these wolves. It’s just a delay. They’ll be safer at the reserve anyway. It’s nasty this year. Who knows, maybe we can try again some place else in the spring. I’ll let you know if we do. Deal?”

  She said exactly what I needed to hear.

  I nod, and within the next few minutes, everyone leaves and my room is empty again.

  I stand at the window and watch the mountains trying to hide among the low clouds.

  I can’t help but still wonder what’s really going on out in those woods.

  And now that the project is over, I’m afraid I’ll never find out.

  Survival Skill #18

  Focusing on the basic needs — safety, health, eating, and sleeping — can help survivors cope with events that may be beyond anyone's control.

  Birdee calls out from the kitchen,“You hungry?”

  Sitting on the couch, I tuck the blanket under my legs and balance the laptop on my thighs. “Depends on what you have in mind.”

  She comes out with a tray of MoonPies. “What do you think?”

  “Ah. You read my mind.” I smile. “I love being sick.”

  She places the tray on the coffee table. “Enjoy it while you can.”

  “I will. Had no idea you could pamper so well.” I grab a double-decker mint treat and take a bite.

  She sits in Dad’s old chair. “It’s just a temporary side effect of pure guilt.”

  I know she’s kidding, but I stop eating for a second. “I’m sorry I scared you.”

  Birdee waves it off as she chooses a vanilla mini. “Let’s just forget about it. I’m glad you’re off that project. I’ll sleep a little better
tonight, and your mom will be happy to know you’re home safe until she gets back.”

  “If you say so.” I pop in the last bite and let the marshmallow ooze into my mouth. “Yum. I could eat these 24/7.”

  Birdee laughs. “You practically do. Good to see you’re putting on a little weight.”

  My mouth drops open. “Excuse me. That is not a compliment.”

  “Well, that’s how I meant it.” She starts knitting with Petey perched on the chair behind her, and her glasses slide down to the tip of her nose. She looks like Dad when he used to read the newspaper form front to back.

  I try to concentrate on the searches I’m doing and keep my mind off the past.

  She pries. “Whatcha working on?”

  “Just doing research for school. I thought if I turned in a paper on the Red Wolf Project, maybe Ms. Cox would feel sorry for me and count it toward my grade.”

  Birdee smiles at me over her specs. “I doubt it, but it’s a good idea.”

  I write down a few random facts about wolves in my cameo notebook. I skim through some articles and news bulletins about the Red Wolf Project. Pictures of Katie Reynolds and Jerry Porter pop up.

  I click on some of the links for Katie and realize she’s had quite a posh life. Comes from a wealthy family in Tennessee. Her father, Craig Reynolds, was one of the top veterinarians in the nation, but died when she was a teen. No wonder I like her. We have so much in common beyond loving nature.

  Her mother, Suzanne Reynolds-Smith, grew up in Nashville with her brother and parents. She lived there all her life and was the city councilwoman for two terms. She eventually remarried a high-ranking military guy who had only one son about ten years older than Katie.

  I click around on the embedded links. It takes me to Katie’s bio on her web site. I’m impressed. Didn’t know she graduated with honors in business from Darden. Smart lady. She even won a national title in the Intercollegiate Pistol Championships. Evidently, a smart shooter too. She’s obviously one of those women who does it all. Someone I could see myself like in a few years.

  I click back to the Red Wolf Project article and follow Jerry Porter’s trail. He’s lived in North Carolina his whole life. His father owned a farm out west that was sold off after he died. Porter went to NC State. Got a degree at the College of Veterinary Medicine and a master’s in Forestry and Environmental Studies. He stayed on at NC State and served thirty years in the forestry department until his retirement a few years ago. I click on another link, and it takes me to an article, “Professor Resigns Over Misconduct Scandal.”